What are my Community Salons?
Many people have asked me about my Community Salons. First I’d say that they aren’t “mine” in the sense that they “belong” to the entire community of friends who attend them. I suppose they are mine in the sense that I started organizing them about two years ago and did several in the SF Bay Area and now several of them here in New York.
Many associate Salons with the 18th century French gathering designed to “please and educate”. While there some similarieties between the two, the Salons I’ve put on do not fit the somewhat elitist descriptions one reads about in reference to the French Salons. They are community gatherings in the true sense of community, including people of all income groups, all ethnicities and all backgrounds. That said, at this point they tend to be made up of people I already know and the good friends of people I already know.
The idea of my Salons are to have a social gathering that approximates something between a dinner party and a structured class or workshop session. In most dinner parties the conversation takes it’s own course, often with the result of a group of 10 split into two or three separate conversation with no structure other than the whim of the individuals. Certain personalities tend to dominate the conversation. Such gatherings are the norm, are usually pleasant enough, but usually the group does not go that deep. Most courses or workshops have a very particular structure to them. Usually the leader or leaders have a certain curriculum they intend or hope to follow. They plan certain stages of the experience and intend a certain result. If it is a good workshop everyone goes deep but it tends to not be as spontaneous as a social gathering.
I like to think that a Salon is the best of both.
The most important goal is to experience love and the essence of community.
We start with a potluck with the idea that food and music are some of the most basic ways that community is created and enjoyed. After about an hour I formally begin the Salon by thanking everyone for showing up and give some context for a Salon (which might be similar to the contents of this post). I explain that in a Salon we strive to stay conncted as an entire group, allowing the conversation to ebb and flow but keeping a certain rigor in our listening so that the conversation follows a kind of “group flow” that is unique to that group. I ask that as the Salon progresses that people strive to bring themselves more and more to the moment, to what they are experiencing right now. I challenge participants to catch themselves if they get really heady, conceptual, or stuck in the past or the future. I remind them that a good sign that you are in the world of concepts is if the energy drops in the room or if people start to lose interest and drift.
I usually begin Salons with introductions. I ask people to share their name and what “home” is for them (this gives lots of flexibility with how to answer, as opposed to “where are you from?” They might share about where they grew up, where they now live, or both. I usually then ask that people briefly share what their “thing” is. I like this question because it allows people to share about what they do for a living, what their main hobby is, what truly lights them up, or even all three. I ask that people be brief in this stage since there are usually 10 people to hear from.
Next I ask a question that relates to the theme of the evening. For example, in the Thankfulness Salon just before Thanksgiving I asked the question “What are you thankful for?” In another salon near the Solstice I asked what stood out for them in the past season and what they wish to create or manifest for the next season. Recently the theme of our Salon was “Who are we as a Commmunity?” since I noticed that most of us were returning to every Salon and many kinds of relationships were forming in our community.
At some point in the middle of the evening I either have the group sing Kirtan (usually East Indian devotional, “call-response” singing) or have a member of our community sing, such as the spectacular Aileen Morgan. At a recent Salon she designed a song that was designed to have a “call-response” structure to it since that unifies the group.
Toward the end of the group I really stress being in the moment together as a community, often with awe inspiring results as the group slows down and feels each other deeply. I also like to bring a completion to each Salon with a process I learned in California called “I’d Like to Get Closer to You.” Basically each person has the option to choose one person (or even the entire group) and share a thought or feeling they had about them that, upon speaking it, brings them closer to the person or group. Usually these take the form of an acknowledgement, but sometimes it is necessary to share a “withold” with the person in order to get the result of feeling closer to them.
Lately we’ve been dancing at the end of them, too.
As you can imagine, each time we have a Salon the community gets closer and we often can’t wait for the next one. They have been met with so much success that one of our main issues as a community is how we will be able to fit in my living room if everyone shows up and/or if anyone brings extra guests. So far we are taking it one Salon at a time.
To give you a sense for these Salons, I’ve included a video of one Salon from June 4th and a few photos we took at the end of our other Salons:
June 4th–SKIP AHEAD TO 5:45 TO WATCH AILEEN AND DIANA SING AT SALON #2:
To give you a sense for the conversation part of this Salon, right after this song I asked the group “Where do you need to give yourself a ‘little more room to grow?’” since that was the most engaging question within Aileen’s lyrics.
We started a tradition of taking photographs of everyone together at the end of the Salons. Here are some of them:
May 11: Salon #1, East Village Housewarming Gathering
Elizabeth Kadetsky, Todd Bresnick, me and Penny Fellbrich
June 4th: NY Salon #2, A Little More Room to Grow (see video above)
NY Salon #2: Todd, Ella Luckett, me, Aileen Morgan and Julia Calonge
September 21st: Salon #3, Fall Solstice/My Birthday Party
October 23: Trip to Sleepy Hollow (not a Salon)
Todd, Julia, Ernest Smith, Laura Schiffeli and me
October 26th: Salon #4, Krishna Das Kirtan with Ernest, Ai, Aileen (sang some), Julia, Ella and Laura Schifferli
October 31: Memorable Halloween Party and Parade (not a Salon)
Halloween Party Before 6th Avenue Parade
November 9th: Salon #5, New President-Elect!
Ernest, Erika, David, Ai, Adrianna, Julia, me and Todd
Novermber 24th: Salon #6, Thanksfulness Salon
December 8th: Salon #7, Who Are We as a Community?
Sabrina top first, Julie top third, Laura top 6th, Ai bottom 2nd
December 21st: Salon #8, Solsti-Salon Holiday Party
Julia, Hillary Bacheldor, David, Adriana, Ernest, me and Dina posing while contemplating the Solstice
January 18th: Salon #9, Acknowledging Family Part I
February 15th: Salon #10, Acknowledging Family Part II/Valentines Brunch
March 7th: Salon #11, Acknowledging Family Part III/Saturday Brunch
March 28th: Salon #12, Increasing Luck (St. Pat’s) in Life, Saturday Brunch
April 25″ Salon #13, Hopping into Spring (Easter/Passover)
