What are my Community Salons?

Many people have asked me about my Community Salons.  First I’d say that they aren’t “mine” in the sense that they “belong” to the entire community of friends who attend them.  I suppose they are mine in the sense that I started organizing them about two years ago and did several in the SF Bay Area and now several of them here in New York.

Many associate Salons with the 18th century French gathering designed to “please and educate”.  While there some similarieties between the two, the Salons I’ve put on do not fit the somewhat elitist descriptions one reads about in reference to the French Salons.  They are community gatherings in the true sense of community, including people of all income groups, all ethnicities and all backgrounds.  That said, at this point they tend to be made up of people I already know and the good friends of people I already know.

The idea of my Salons are to have a social gathering that approximates something between a dinner party and a structured class or workshop session.  In most dinner parties the conversation takes it’s own course, often with the result of a  group of 10 split into two or three separate conversation with no structure other than the whim of the individuals.  Certain personalities tend to dominate the conversation.  Such gatherings are the norm, are usually pleasant enough, but usually the group does not go that deep.  Most courses or workshops have a very particular structure to them.  Usually the leader or leaders have a certain curriculum they intend or hope to follow.  They plan certain stages of the experience and intend a certain result.  If it is a good workshop everyone goes deep but it tends to not be as spontaneous as a social gathering.

I like to think that a Salon is the best of both.

The most important goal is to experience love and the essence of community.

We start with a potluck with the idea that food and music are some of the most basic ways that community is created and enjoyed.  After about an hour I formally begin the Salon by thanking everyone for showing up and give some context for a Salon (which might be similar to the contents of this post). I explain that in a Salon we strive to stay conncted as an entire group, allowing the conversation to ebb and flow but keeping a certain rigor in our listening so that the conversation follows a kind of “group flow” that is unique to that group.  I ask that as the Salon progresses that people strive to bring themselves more and more to the moment, to what they are experiencing right now.  I challenge participants to catch themselves if they get really heady, conceptual, or stuck in the past or the future.  I remind them that a good sign that you are in the world of concepts is if the energy drops in the room or if people start to lose interest and drift.

I usually begin Salons with introductions.  I ask people to share their name and what “home” is for them (this gives lots of flexibility with how to answer, as opposed to “where are you from?”  They might share about where they grew up, where they now live, or both.  I usually then ask that people briefly share what their “thing” is.  I like this question because it allows people to share about what they do for a living, what their main hobby is, what truly lights them up, or even all three.  I ask that people be brief in this stage since there are usually 10 people to hear from.

Next I ask a question that relates to the theme of the evening.  For example, in the Thankfulness Salon just before Thanksgiving I asked the question “What are you thankful for?”  In another salon near the Solstice I asked what stood out for them in the past season and what they wish to create or manifest for the next season.  Recently the theme of our Salon was “Who are we as a Commmunity?” since I noticed that most of us were returning to every Salon and many kinds of relationships were forming in our community.

At some point in the middle of the evening I either have the group sing Kirtan (usually East Indian devotional, “call-response” singing) or have a member of our community sing, such as the spectacular Aileen Morgan.  At a recent Salon she designed a song that was designed to have a “call-response” structure to it since that unifies the group.

Toward the end of the group I really stress being in the moment together as a community, often with awe inspiring results as the group slows down and feels each other deeply.  I also like to bring a completion to each Salon with a process I learned in California called “I’d Like to Get Closer to You.” Basically each person has the option to choose one person (or even the entire group) and share a thought or feeling they had about them that, upon speaking it, brings them closer to the person or group.  Usually these take the form of an acknowledgement, but sometimes it is necessary to share a “withold” with the person in order to get the result of feeling closer to them.

Lately we’ve been dancing at the end of them, too.

As you can imagine, each time we have a Salon the community gets closer and we often can’t wait for the next one.  They have been met with so much success that one of our main issues as a community is how we will be able to fit in my living room if everyone shows up and/or if anyone brings extra guests.  So far we are taking it one Salon at a time.

To give you a sense for these Salons, I’ve included a video of one Salon from June 4th and a few photos we took at the end of our other Salons:

June 4th–SKIP AHEAD TO 5:45 TO WATCH AILEEN AND DIANA SING AT SALON #2: 

To give you a sense for the conversation part of this Salon, right after this song I asked the group “Where do you need to give yourself a ‘little more room to grow?’” since that was the most engaging question within Aileen’s lyrics.

We started a tradition of taking photographs of everyone together at the end of the Salons.  Here are some of them:

May 11: Salon #1, East Village Housewarming Gathering

Elizabeth Kadetsky, Todd Bresnick, me and Penny Fellbrich

June 4th: NY Salon #2, A Little More Room to Grow (see video above)

NY Salon #2: Todd, Ella Luckett, me, Aileen Morgan and Julia Calonge

September 21st:  Salon #3, Fall Solstice/My Birthday Party

October 23: Trip to Sleepy Hollow (not a Salon)

Todd, Julia, Ernest Smith, Laura Schiffeli and me

October 26th: Salon #4, Krishna Das Kirtan with Ernest, Ai, Aileen (sang some), Julia, Ella and Laura Schifferli

October 31: Memorable Halloween Party and Parade (not a Salon)

Halloween Party Before 6th Avenue Parade

November 9th: Salon #5, New President-Elect!

Ernest, Erika, David, Ai, Adrianna, Julia, me and Todd

Novermber 24th: Salon #6, Thanksfulness Salon

December 8th: Salon #7, Who Are We as a Community?

Sabrina top first, Julie top third, Laura top 6th, Ai bottom 2nd

December 21st: Salon #8, Solsti-Salon Holiday Party

Julia, Hillary Bacheldor, David, Adriana, Ernest, me and Dina posing while contemplating the Solstice

January 18th: Salon #9, Acknowledging Family Part I

February 15th: Salon #10, Acknowledging Family Part II/Valentines Brunch

March 7th: Salon #11, Acknowledging Family Part III/Saturday Brunch

March 28th: Salon #12, Increasing Luck (St. Pat’s) in Life, Saturday Brunch

April 25″ Salon #13, Hopping into Spring (Easter/Passover)

A Night with Elie Weisel

Tonight I finally see and hear a great hero of mine named Elie Weisel. 

He is a Holocaust survivor and wrote a famous book called Night.

My family celebrated some Jewish holidays and I have vivid memories of Chanukah with very happy people.  I studied History in college and then earned a teaching credential and Master’s Degree in Education. I taught History for 5 years and the Holocaust was an important part of the curriculum. I had the wonderful opportunity to also teach Diversity Studies, Psychology and a course called Living and Dying to high school seniors.

One summer right after college I spent a summer as a camp counselor at a mostly Jewish camp in Cape Cod, Massachusetts.  I loved my campers a lot and one night I read them appropriate passages from Weisel’s Night.  They were so engaged by the book that they often did not want me to stop reading.  Perhaps the most moving part of the experience was the conversations that evolved after reading together where we often talked about the meaning of life and our own experiences of life.

Now, after all these years, I will go to the 92nd Street YMCA in Manhattan and see Elie Weisel in person. 

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I’m back from his incredible talk and I took notes on his quotes.  Some of them stand alone and others were part of a larger narrative. 

 Elie Weisel:

 Times change but the questions remain the same.

 I just wrote a book titled “A Mad Desire to Dance” which is strange because I’ve never danced.

 I quest for meaning. Great patience is required.

 When reading try to find a secret place in the story within the novel. At that point what is unsaid is more important than what is said.

 Letting suffering speak is the language of truth.

 Racism has received it’s final blow in the election of a black man to president of U.S.

 We are all rugged individualists with an Aristotelian impulse toward community.  Obama has tapped into this strain of our character.

 I’m not sure History has a sense of justice but it has a sense of humor.

In the recent tragedies in India the Jews were singled out and tortured…anti-semitism is alive and well.

Hitler and Mussolini made language their captors.

Governments don’t lie, they engage in “mis-information.”

What is memory?  What are it’s limits?  What is it’s weakness? What role does imagination play in memory?  Do they contribute to each other or take away?

All disciplines owe so much to memory.

It’s easy to fall in love with someone who can tell stories or who can listen to stories.

How can we truly heal without knowing the true nature of the shadows and the dark places?

How is it that we can, in the same world, have such cruel people and also such kind hearted people, too?

My answer to the question of how to be happy?  Fall in love again, even if you fear it, just fall in love again, and again, and again.  A character in one of my books falls in love in a bakery!

Ahh, what will we do for the children who are so scared, so afraid…we will continue to talk to them to tell them stories, to teach them…we will tell them to wait patiently for the world’s fervor, for it’s fire, for it’s deep love, it’s music, it’s melody, and it’s occasional silence…

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 I had the honor of shaking his hand that night.

Atticus Finch in the Flesh: Sam Waterston

For about 5 years I was raised on one of those spiritual, “alternative communities”  in the Napa Valley of Northern California.  While it had it’s flaws, it was mostly a great experience.  For example, I did not experience lies, misrepresentation or betrayal  until my family left “the land” and joined society.  I had an intrinsic trust that life was fair.  As you can imagine, I had a rude awakening to the realities of life when I entered society and the public school system at the age of about 12 years old. 

Yet somehow through it all I still clinged to a sense of idealism that life was fair.

There was a time in my life when I wanted my dad to be Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. 

There was even a time when I wanted to become Atticus as an adult.  Right after college and for most of my 20’s I was particularly idealistic (this is more balanced with some realism now).  Contemplating Finch’s character, who fought against injustice in the world, brought tears to my eyes.  The actor who played him–Gregory Peck,–also played a character in the film A Gentleman’s Agreement who fought against anti-Semitism.

It’s probably not surprising that I also loved characters like Jimmy Stewart’s Mr. Smith in the film Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Even back in 1992 before the Green and Systems Theory movements were in the mainstream I loved those idealistic independent films such as Mindwalk which was loosely based on Fritjof Karpa’s groundbreaking book The Turning Point. In this film I particularly loved the politician character played so well by Sam Waterston.  Here is a clip:

So imagine my excitement when I heard that Sam Waterston would be interviewed by the dean of Fordham Law School at an event called “Atticus Finch in the Flesh: A Conversation with Law and Order’s Sam Waterston!”

I attended this event on November 19th and it was all it shaped up to be, with Sam Waterston demonstrating that he is not only an extremely talented actor, but incredibly intelligent and knowledgable about topics such as the law and ethics. 

The dean asked great questions related to how Sam thinks our society has been affected by shows such as Law and Order, and that it means to have a system that is “fair.” One of Waterston’s comments filled me with a sense of hope for humanity…he said that he thinks one of the reasons people love shows such as Law and Order is because people deeply care about the notion of fairness.

What does fairness mean to you?